Dogs Beware: It’s the End of the World As You Know It

Dogs, the day of reckoning is upon you.

We the cats have decided it is time you know the truth — we are in charge.

While cats have always ruled – while dogs drooled – we have decided to make clear that our expectations are going to be more clearly enforced in the future.

First, we shall be continuing to use you to fulfill our grooming needs. This may mean that you will need to submit yourselves for grooming.

Or it may require that you groom us. Just depends on the mood of the cat master ruling the room you are in at the moment.

Next, we shall be continuing to use you to fulfill our need for extra body heat. This may mean using you as a bed.

Or it may require you to curl up in a bed like a living doggy heating blanket. Again, it will depend on the needs of your cat master.

“Masters” however, is such a harsh term. Please, just call us your “mentors.” Your smarter, better looking, superior Mentors.

We shall teach your young to sing.

We shall teach you to act as carrying units for your mentors.

After all, a well trained dog with clear expectations is a happy dog.

And we want our canine companions to be happy, don’t we!

We cats have also been cruising the internet and have noticed that dogs seem to enjoy dressing up.

We shall thus be providing you with opportunities to wear special costumes. We assure you, this is not for our enjoyment…this is strictly for your own doggy pleasure.

We shall sample your food as we see fit.

And we shall often find it disgusting.

 So we may require you to open the box for cooling food so that we can make better selections for everyone involved.

 We may choose to share secrets with you.

We may choose to hug you when we are feeling lonely.

And we shall share our television shows with you – shows like My Cat From Hell, where you will see how cats show their displeasure with people. And you shall laugh!

The cats of the world will be merciful mentors to you canines. 

You just have to remember, it is the cats who are in charge.

It’s just the cats….

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